Is your bucket full of "numbed" feelings?

Uncategorized Jan 19, 2023

I do this all the time….


You shouldn’t feel this.

You don’t have time to be like that.

You are stronger than that.


But I have changed one thing in the past year or so, and it’s been for the better….

I identify what it is.








I say the word or I write it.


Yup, seems kinda silly, but I am identifying and acknowledging what is going on inside.


The Toni 15 years ago would have binged & purged a dozen times, to just make whatever that uncomfortable feeling was go away.

The Toni 10 years ago would have just gone to the gym for the 3rd time that day.


The Toni 5 years ago would have called someone to tell me what I was feeling and why I didn’t need to feel like that.


And today, I just want to know what it is…and if I have the bandwidth, I will get into the why, but just the acknnowledgment is the first step.


It’s almost like you’re saying “Hey, I see you”.


We have been conditioned to not want to feel uncomfortable or anything other than okay.


We have been taught to just stay in what feels comfortable and familiar.


We have been told to be fine….as if anything other than that is bad.



I don’t know about you, but if the sun was shining 24 hours a day, my eyes would get tired.


Sometimes, those feelings that are outside of our comfort zone are the ones trying to tell us something.

Sometimes, they’re just there.

Sometimes, it’s what needs to be felt in order to get to the other side.


But they’re not bad and they sure as hell don’t need to be numbed, because when you push them down, they are planted and then fertilized by similar feelings, turning into a hot mess that will rear its head on the slightest little thing, leaving you in a “WTF was that?” type situation.


Do you know how many of those I had? How much energy I wasted?


You are creating more stress by convincing yourself something is wrong with you or pushing them down, adding more to your shit bucket. (If you are new to my social media and website, your shit bucket is your daily “stuff” that you carry with you.


Stop stuffing the feelings further down in your shit bucket; all you’re doing is making it heavier and heavier. Pretty taxing to lug around….


As I mentioned above, my habits have slowly shifted over the years, but I was able to let go of my bulimia and disordered eating as a “coping skill”.


We all have our “drug of choice” and that can be food, shopping, social media, or anything….but don’t let it rob you of life and all the little ebbs and flows that make you fell, well, alive. And I think we all could use a little of that.





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